The Perfect Imperfection
The perfect imperfection...
Before I got married or even met my husband, I did not know what to expect in a marriage. However, as a hopeless romantic, I have my own ideas of what a good relationship is... and note that I said 'good', not 'perfect'.
FAMILY...
I grew up in a broken, distorted, weird family. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE all of them. It is because of them that I became who I am. There is so much to say about our lives so I won't even go there.
Anyway, to tell you how distorted this family is, when I first met my mother, somebody told me that I called her "Tita" or Aunt in English. I did not know her as my mother since my Aunts (father side) and my Paternal Grandparents took care of me until I was around 3 years old (I think). Then when I met my Dad, I called him 'Mama' or 'Mister' in English as I did not know him either. But of course through time, I started regarding them as "Nanay" or "Mom" in English and "Tatay" or "Dad" in English. At the age of 6, my mother went to Middle East to work as a Nurse. My mother did not really see me and my brother and sisters grow up. She had her own life especially when she re-married. So we don't really know each other as well as other mothers and daughters out there. But... I don't regret it.
I read somewhere that things happen in life for a reason, and I truly believe in that. I learned that divorced mother and father is not so bad at all, compared to hearing your parents fight with each other everyday. I hate it when people yell at each other. I learned that you can be a better person this way. I think My Paternal Aunts and Uncle and my Paternal Grandparents did a really good job at nurturing my siblings and I. We all graduated in College without any problems. None of us are drug addicts. My brother will be a registered nurse soon and the 3 of us girls are working professionals (soon for my youngest sister). I AM VERY PROUD OF MY FAMILY.
Now that all of us are older, there are so many things that you'll realize as an adult. One thing I realized is that I am very protective of my sisters and brother. It may seem not likely to them, but I know that the one thing I don't want to happen is for them to get hurt. Unfortunately, I have to let them be for the rough times in life make them a better person.
Each of us are unique... we all know that. And... if you look the 4 of us siblings, we DO NOT look like we are siblings. We can probably pass as cousins. I thank God for all of our uniqueness because I love all of them for who they are. And since nobody is perfect, there are certain quirks that each of us have that can be really annoying and funny. Accepting these quirks tells you that you love them for who they are.
I love my family. It doesn't matter if it's broken, distorted or weird. I love my family's perfect imperfection.
FRIENDSHIP...
I had 4 childhood friends since I was 6 and I only have 3 friends left now. Jennifer is one of my childhood friends. I've known her since I was 6 years old. We grew up together and went to the same High School. She's 1 batch higher than me, but we still remained friends in school. I saw her graduate in high school and go through college. After graduation, Jene (as we call her) and her school friends went to a club. And there... they died. The club burned down. There were 300 people in the club so the officials had to split the bodies to different funeral homes. When I found out about this, I went and helped her family search for her body. It was devastating. What's worse was I was leaving in a couple of days to go to the United States of America. On the day I left, was the day of her burial so I was not able to attend it.
8 years ago, there were 5 of us. When Jene died, we were down to 4. And when I left for America, they were down to 3. It is sad to think about it. My friends are not good with technology so I don't get to talk to them online. We all have our own family problems, and annoying habits. But we are still really good friends until now and I've known them since I was 6... and I am now 30 years old. When we see each other, it's non stop talking. If you can only hear us and don't see who's talking... it would seem that a dozen people are talking at the same time. Figure out how we actually understand each other! One of my friends have a daughter but no husband, the other is a housewife... or soon to be... and no work. My best friend has a long distance relationship-boyfriend and longs for him to go back to her. The 4 of us rarely talks to each other anymore... but the good part is... when we do see each other, we just pick up where we left off.... and it feels good.
I love my friends. It doesn't matter if we don't talk everyday. I love my friends' perfect imperfections.
HUSBAND
I have only gone through 3 boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, and I married the last one. On my College Senior year, we had a Philosophy course that concentrated on relationships.... and I mean all types of relationships - with your friends, family, boyfriend, husband, pet, co-worker, etc. But of course as teenagers, we loved talking about boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. I wrote down all the phrases, verses, quotes that I thought were important. There were a couple of things that I was able to learn and apply to my own life...
One of them goes something like this...
A love relationship is like two separate islands sharing the same water of love that brushes their shores
I learned that in a love relationship, both do not force each other to change their individualities, but embrace their uniqueness. Love is not perfect. There will always be somebody who will be worse or better than your partner. But what makes a relationship last is when both of you love and accept each other for who they are.
There are certain people who would say that "opposites attract" or some people would say that you have to be compatible to have a lasting relationship/marriage...
You know what I think? I think it doesn't matter if your personalities are the same or opposite. What's important is how you accept and love each other for no matter what both of you will go through life, you will be there for each other.
My husband and I... I can't tell if we are opposite or if we're the same. Honestly... I think we're both... it depends on what you want to talk about.
We both love eating, we love desert, we love traveling, we hate gardening, we hate crowded places, we love our families, we both want to have 2 kids.
I love my sleep, he wakes up early.
I love to drive, he hates driving.
I love roller coasters, he hates them!
I love animals, he's not fond of them... except for our dog. For my husband, Shadow is the best dog in the world... now that's love.
These are only few of the obvious and small things. When my husband asks me, why do I love him... all I can say is... "I love you because I want to"
I don't love him because he loves me... well... maybe that's why we got married because he loves me too....
I don't love him because he can do a lot of stuff for me or makes me feel good, or makes me feel better or makes me laugh
I don't love him because he's very friendly, kind, considerate
...or because he stood beside me when I was lonely and alone...
I don't like it when he gets so cranky because it's hot.
I don't like it when he gets cranky because he's hungry.
I don't like it when he gets loud.
but... even though he has all these quirks, I love my husband's perfect imperfection... I still love him... because I love loving him.
Before I got married or even met my husband, I did not know what to expect in a marriage. However, as a hopeless romantic, I have my own ideas of what a good relationship is... and note that I said 'good', not 'perfect'.
FAMILY...
I grew up in a broken, distorted, weird family. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE all of them. It is because of them that I became who I am. There is so much to say about our lives so I won't even go there.
Anyway, to tell you how distorted this family is, when I first met my mother, somebody told me that I called her "Tita" or Aunt in English. I did not know her as my mother since my Aunts (father side) and my Paternal Grandparents took care of me until I was around 3 years old (I think). Then when I met my Dad, I called him 'Mama' or 'Mister' in English as I did not know him either. But of course through time, I started regarding them as "Nanay" or "Mom" in English and "Tatay" or "Dad" in English. At the age of 6, my mother went to Middle East to work as a Nurse. My mother did not really see me and my brother and sisters grow up. She had her own life especially when she re-married. So we don't really know each other as well as other mothers and daughters out there. But... I don't regret it.
I read somewhere that things happen in life for a reason, and I truly believe in that. I learned that divorced mother and father is not so bad at all, compared to hearing your parents fight with each other everyday. I hate it when people yell at each other. I learned that you can be a better person this way. I think My Paternal Aunts and Uncle and my Paternal Grandparents did a really good job at nurturing my siblings and I. We all graduated in College without any problems. None of us are drug addicts. My brother will be a registered nurse soon and the 3 of us girls are working professionals (soon for my youngest sister). I AM VERY PROUD OF MY FAMILY.
Now that all of us are older, there are so many things that you'll realize as an adult. One thing I realized is that I am very protective of my sisters and brother. It may seem not likely to them, but I know that the one thing I don't want to happen is for them to get hurt. Unfortunately, I have to let them be for the rough times in life make them a better person.
Each of us are unique... we all know that. And... if you look the 4 of us siblings, we DO NOT look like we are siblings. We can probably pass as cousins. I thank God for all of our uniqueness because I love all of them for who they are. And since nobody is perfect, there are certain quirks that each of us have that can be really annoying and funny. Accepting these quirks tells you that you love them for who they are.
I love my family. It doesn't matter if it's broken, distorted or weird. I love my family's perfect imperfection.
FRIENDSHIP...
I had 4 childhood friends since I was 6 and I only have 3 friends left now. Jennifer is one of my childhood friends. I've known her since I was 6 years old. We grew up together and went to the same High School. She's 1 batch higher than me, but we still remained friends in school. I saw her graduate in high school and go through college. After graduation, Jene (as we call her) and her school friends went to a club. And there... they died. The club burned down. There were 300 people in the club so the officials had to split the bodies to different funeral homes. When I found out about this, I went and helped her family search for her body. It was devastating. What's worse was I was leaving in a couple of days to go to the United States of America. On the day I left, was the day of her burial so I was not able to attend it.
8 years ago, there were 5 of us. When Jene died, we were down to 4. And when I left for America, they were down to 3. It is sad to think about it. My friends are not good with technology so I don't get to talk to them online. We all have our own family problems, and annoying habits. But we are still really good friends until now and I've known them since I was 6... and I am now 30 years old. When we see each other, it's non stop talking. If you can only hear us and don't see who's talking... it would seem that a dozen people are talking at the same time. Figure out how we actually understand each other! One of my friends have a daughter but no husband, the other is a housewife... or soon to be... and no work. My best friend has a long distance relationship-boyfriend and longs for him to go back to her. The 4 of us rarely talks to each other anymore... but the good part is... when we do see each other, we just pick up where we left off.... and it feels good.
I love my friends. It doesn't matter if we don't talk everyday. I love my friends' perfect imperfections.
HUSBAND
I have only gone through 3 boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, and I married the last one. On my College Senior year, we had a Philosophy course that concentrated on relationships.... and I mean all types of relationships - with your friends, family, boyfriend, husband, pet, co-worker, etc. But of course as teenagers, we loved talking about boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. I wrote down all the phrases, verses, quotes that I thought were important. There were a couple of things that I was able to learn and apply to my own life...
One of them goes something like this...
A love relationship is like two separate islands sharing the same water of love that brushes their shores
I learned that in a love relationship, both do not force each other to change their individualities, but embrace their uniqueness. Love is not perfect. There will always be somebody who will be worse or better than your partner. But what makes a relationship last is when both of you love and accept each other for who they are.
There are certain people who would say that "opposites attract" or some people would say that you have to be compatible to have a lasting relationship/marriage...
You know what I think? I think it doesn't matter if your personalities are the same or opposite. What's important is how you accept and love each other for no matter what both of you will go through life, you will be there for each other.
My husband and I... I can't tell if we are opposite or if we're the same. Honestly... I think we're both... it depends on what you want to talk about.
We both love eating, we love desert, we love traveling, we hate gardening, we hate crowded places, we love our families, we both want to have 2 kids.
I love my sleep, he wakes up early.
I love to drive, he hates driving.
I love roller coasters, he hates them!
I love animals, he's not fond of them... except for our dog. For my husband, Shadow is the best dog in the world... now that's love.
These are only few of the obvious and small things. When my husband asks me, why do I love him... all I can say is... "I love you because I want to"
I don't love him because he loves me... well... maybe that's why we got married because he loves me too....
I don't love him because he can do a lot of stuff for me or makes me feel good, or makes me feel better or makes me laugh
I don't love him because he's very friendly, kind, considerate
...or because he stood beside me when I was lonely and alone...
I don't like it when he gets so cranky because it's hot.
I don't like it when he gets cranky because he's hungry.
I don't like it when he gets loud.
but... even though he has all these quirks, I love my husband's perfect imperfection... I still love him... because I love loving him.
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